Content, not Content…

Argh, I feel like a pirate.  I’m saying, “Argh,” a lot.

[Warning: there might be spoilers]

So, I’ve watched some shows lately that have had to do with fairy tales coming to life and being real.  I’d guess the most popular at the moment is Once Upon a Time.  It certainly has some of the best lesbian fanfiction – Swan Queen all the way, baby!  Hash tag SwanQueen?  This is a really good show that I’ve enjoyed, but I’m not going to be writing about that quality show right now.

I am talking about a lesser known Disney channel movie titled, Descendants.  They actually have two movies, Descendants and Descendants 2.  Disney even put together an animated TV show.  It’s supposedly a big franchise that I had never heard of until I was hired to write this YouTube script.

I’m a content writer, at times, and this was my first job. My daughter informed me this show is pretty popular.  I honestly hadn’t heard anything about this show until I took on this quick little 500 to 700 word script.  To research this little show I actually watched it.  I WATCHED THIS SHOW!

Argh!

It was pretty bad.  The acting.  The writing.  The plot.  The clothes and fashion? The singing.  The choreography. The songs.  Oh, the songs were like leftover song scraps from a really bad musical.  It’s like they walked to the back room of a bad play, rummaged through the trash bin, and voila, there were some quick forgotten pieces and the writers or producers said, “Hey, we can use these!  Nobody will care.  It’s just a musical with hot teen boys and girls.”

And yes, that seems to have been the only selling point:  hot teen boys and girls dancing and singing.

Their main star was Boo Boo Stewart.  (Not his real name.)  (Yes, every single blog writes my previous parenthetical sentence.)  His real name is actually Nils Allen Stewart Jr., and his most well-known role was as Seth Clearwater in the Twilight franchise.  In this franchise he plays the son of Jafar, Jay, and was the subject of this short script I wrote.

Onto the Descendants writing.  It was painful because I made myself watch this show to write a small script.  This is what content writing is:  writing stuff you simply have no interest in whatsoever.

I must admit, it was nice being paid for my writing.  This was the first time I was paid to write something.  It felt pretty sweet.

Descendants has a really sad story, when you think about it.  The evil despot, King Beast, banished all the villains to an Isle of the Lost.  If the villains were dead, he brought them back to life so they could be banished to this island.  Extreme cruel and unusual punishment from the so-called good guys.  Consider, if you will, Guantanamo Bay where you are not even allowed to die to leave.  And not only the villains are punished to live here in this third world island, but they have to keep their kids there.  Forever.  Thus, the name of the movie series, Descendants, which was also the idea behind a book series, Isle of the Lost by Melissa de la Cruz.

The premise is set up because King Beast’s son, Ben, decides for his 16th birthday he will allow the four main stars to leave the island, and then have to attend this prep school, and learn how to live with even worse dance numbers, songs, and clothing choices.  There’s just a lot of… yellow.  I really don’t get all the blue and yellow.

There are so many plot holes and inconsistencies.  Such as, they have never eaten strawberries, but in the beginning dance number there is all kinds of fruit being thrown around the streets.  They had supposedly never eaten candy, but later talk over how they were so evil they stole candy from babies.  Where was this candy?  Babies had candy, but not the teens?  I didn’t get it.

The most glaring plot hole was parentage.  They all had the one villain parent, but no second parent.  Were they part of an evil villain experimentation on the island?  This island had tons of kids there!  All with only one parent?  I am pretty sure you need two for this tango.

I will tell you if you are going to watch these movies the best part is the dog, Dude.  Hands down best acting in the show.  And, he always wears the cutest matching outfits with his best friend, who happens to be Cruella De Vil’s son, Carlos.  Hahaha, irony.

I might write about the show I actually did love, Once Upon a Time, at a later date, despite the glaring missed chance at pairing the best couple with the most chemistry, of any TV show, Regina Miller and Emma Swan.  I mean – GLARING.  It was as if they were trying their darndest not to have a gay couple.  It’s really weird.

At the end of season five: Hook was dead and Robin was dead.  All was perfectly set up for these two grieving bi-women to finally hook up.  They share a child and co-parent and it was the easiest romance.  These women had continually gone to hell and high water to save the other throughout the seasons.  It was the easiest love story ever not written.

They dropped the ball because they were afraid people would be upset these two bi-women might actually choose the love of their life.  Chemistry schmemistry, right?  (I can’t believe I typed that.)  (No wait, I can.)

Argh, they forced her to marry a pirate.

Argh!    

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